As humans, interaction with others and relationships are important. They are why humans still exist today. Relationships allow for development, love, enhanced experiences, and much more. We can not thrive without some sort of relationship with others. Relationships can be a wonderful addition to our lives, especially romantic ones if they are healthy. The desire to walk the journey of life with someone else by your side is strong for most individuals. However, those of us who struggle with addiction may run into some difficulties when it comes to relationships. For the addict who has been using since they were old enough to be in a relationship, we may not have had great experiences with relationships. In addiction, relationships are often toxic and unhealthy for both people involved. If this is the case, you may not know what love or a healthy relationship is. With recovery, we can learn how to form healthy relationships when the time is right.

Recent studies have found significant similarities between drug addiction and early romance. This can be scary since there is a lot of overlap in the way the brain works during addiction and in early romance. Throwing romance into the mix while trying to get sober may create some difficult barriers without the individual even noticing it. It is important to be aware that these relationships can distract from the main goal of recovery and bring addict-like behaviors to the surface.

While in early recovery, the focus is supposed to be on working on yourself and growing your spiritual connection with a higher power. Occasionally that higher power will become replaced with a romantic relationship if your priorities aren’t in order at first. A lot of relationships seem new and exciting at first but soon after can come arguments or disagreements. Without spending the time to fully develop the coping skills necessary to deal with these struggles, we can be more at risk of relapse. Therefore, it is important to dedicate the time to work on yourself and figure out how to handle life on life’s terms.

When getting sober, you may not know who you are. After spending so long having chemicals in your brain altering the way you think and behave, you may forget the person you are when sober, if you ever knew to begin with. The process of getting sober and experiencing recovery involves you truly finding who you are and your core values. This has been mentioned throughout the article because it is valuable information that you should know. If you thoroughly and honestly go through the 12 steps, you will not be the same person that you were when you started. This journey changes you for the better and changes how you see yourself and others. Therefore, waiting until you complete your steps before getting into a relationship may result in finding a healthier partner. Once a sense of self-worth and self-esteem come back into your life not only may you be attracted to different people, but different people may be attracted to you also.

With some of us not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, here are some components of a healthy relationship:

• Communication – Being able to communicate with your partner in a healthy manner is vital to a relationship. Usually yelling or screaming at each other is not a part of healthy communication. Being able to listen to your partner and respect their wishes if they share them can create a happier and usually turns into mutual respect.
• Boundaries – One of the most important aspects of a relationship is being able to set and respect boundaries. These boundaries can be physical, emotional, or sexual. No matter what they are, if your partner sets a boundary, respecting it is a necessity.
• Trust/Honesty – If you are in recovery, chances are you have developed some issues trusting people over the years. Like what was mentioned earlier, our previous relationships have more than likely been toxic and involved lying, cheating, and stealing. Today we live a different life and it is important to ask why we don’t trust someone. If we are in a relationship and find ourselves not trusting our partner, we need to evaluate if they have given us a reason to not trust them or if we are just carrying trust issues from previous relationships. Likewise, we must ask ourselves if our actions are going to cause our partner not to trust us in return. This means that we must practice honesty in our relationships. You would be amazed at how big of a difference this can make in the quality of a relationship.
• Independence – It’s important to have time to yourself in any relationship. Being able to spend time by yourself or with your friends is important for self-care. Do your best to make sure you can create balance in your life and relationship.
• Responsibility – Going hand in hand with communication, taking responsibility for things you have said or done could do wonders for the relationship. It shows respect for your partner and will increase trust and honesty as a result.
• Healthy conflict – Of course in a relationship you and your partner will not agree on everything. Over time disagreements may arise and that is perfectly okay. What is important is being able to disagree but healthily communicate your feelings and opinions.