As a parent, we want to raise and support our children with love and give them whatever they need to succeed. Enabling can apply to any loved ones; not just children. It can be hard to see our loved ones struggle and wonder if we are doing the right thing. However, there is a line that can be crossed without realization. The difference between supporting and enabling can become hard to notice when the child or loved one is experiencing substance abuse problems. Common patterns may emerge that can help determine which side of the line you’re on.

• Protecting your loved ones from the consequences of their addiction or behaviors is a common sign that you may be enabling. This could be paying their car payment for them because they spent all their money elsewhere or bailing them out of jail. When we see the people we love making bad decisions we think that they may learn from their mistakes so we try to shield them from consequences. This does not always work the way we planned. If the person we love is not able to experience the consequences of their actions, it may be more difficult for them to want to change. Many people have made the decision to change their lives after experiencing the consequences of losing their house, car, friends, and freedom. Watching this unfold might be one of the hardest things you need to do, but in the end, it may be saving the life of the one you love.

• Not following through with boundaries that you may have set between you and the loved one is another example of possible enabling. Once a boundary is set, you absolutely need to follow through with it. Failure to do so lets the person know that they are welcome to continue doing what they want and walk over you. This will make other boundaries even easier to break the next time one is set. Our loved ones who are suffering from substance abuse usually have a good understanding of what can tug on our heartstrings or make us feel bad. This is another situation that can be difficult and may lead to resentment but like the other aspects of stopping enabling, it is worth it in the end.

• Ignoring or simply tolerating the behavior of the addicted loved one can be enabling as well. By pretending a problem does not exist it is more difficult for the loved one to receive help for their addiction. An example would be, seeing signs that they are still drinking or using and deciding to not talk to them about it. The addict is once again not experiencing the consequences of their actions and continues to do what they are doing. Confrontation can be tough and sometimes it is easier to ignore it altogether, but this is not doing anyone a favor in the end. Do not forget that changing the way you handle these situations may be one of the hardest things you need to do to encourage the process of change in the addict’s life.

Overcoming these obstacles is never easy and it can be an ongoing challenge for a long time for some. Remember that staying strong is important and resources are available. Similar to how addicts go to meetings to develop a network of sober individuals and support. Those who have loved ones that are addicted have similar options. Parents of Addicted Loved ones (PAL) is an excellent source to find others who are experiencing the same difficulties as you. AL-ANON is another group that is available to offer help and fellowship. Going to these meetings can be uncomfortable at first, but they will make you feel right at home when you walk in the doors. Always remember that there is hope and help is possible.

At Sanctuary Recovery Centers, we are familiar with the harm that can be caused to loved ones and families who suffer from an addiction. Knowing how difficult it may be to overcome addiction, we’re committed to sharing information and guidance to help struggling people find their way to healing. The more we know about the signs, the presentations, and the effects; the better equipped we are to assist in recovery. We’re here for you. If you or someone you know is struggling, please contact us.   480-309-9945