As someone who has struggled with addiction, I can’t tell you how much enabling and codependency go hand in hand. It was always said to me that when someone is still active in their addiction there is almost always someone behind them enabling them and in that comes the codependency on each other. Over the years of me learning to love myself again, I realized that I have been codependent on others, and I have struggled with enabling to please the people I love.

I have watched family members enable my sister and me over the years. My family loved me, and I believe enablers do things out of love not realizing the damage they are causing. It wasn’t until I went to treatment and started working on the 12 steps that I could see how damaging enabling can be to an individual in active addiction.

Let me put it this way, if you are enabling an addict in your life you are slowly digging their grave for them. Now some of you might think, WOW that’s a bit dramatic. But seriously, if you aren’t holding any boundaries with them they will continue with the bad behavior without any consequences in their lives.

I did not get sober until my parents put their foot down and called DCS on me. They not only feared for my children during my active addiction but they also feared I would lose my life. At the time I felt it was a bit dramatic to do that to me, their daughter, how could they betray me? How could they bring the state into my life? How could they take my children away from me? I wasn’t a bad mom! It wasn’t until that happened that I realized that this was serious, I was having REAL consequences for my actions. It shook me to my core to think that I could lose my children. I had to make a change.

That’s when I started to really make changes in my life that would today lead me to have almost 5 years sober, a career, and the biggest gift sobriety gave me, my children back! Accountability and boundaries from my enablers pushed me into some consequences that then led to me getting sober and the help that I desperately needed.

How do you set boundaries? How do you stop enabling them? Does that mean you don’t love them?

Setting boundaries can be tough, but it’s easier if you have support from others around you. There are groups out there that help you while you are loving someone who is struggling with addiction. Support groups like Al-anon, and Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PAL). Think of it this way, when I turned on my stove when I had a toddler and they ran over to touch it I would tell them “no, no, no that’s hot” “you could get hurt”, That’s what it’s like to set a boundary. We do it all the time when our children are younger to prevent them from harming themselves or others around them. The same goes for setting a boundary with a loved one you have been enabling.